You Look Like an Angel
by tanglefire4ever
Summary: "What are you going to do?" Lucifer whispered. The figure grinned at Lucifer. The eerie orange light cast shadows on his face, making his eyes look like black holes, "I'm gonna make him hate your guts." (samifer)
1. Chapter 1

They were falling.

Tumbling, down,

Down

Down

Down

Down

The last thing he remembered was Sam's resolve. Sam had grabbed, him, had grabbed them pulling them into the Cage. Away from humanity. Away from their war. Somehow, miraculously, Sam had regained control.

And Lucifer had let him. Truly, Lucifer had never had full control in the first place. Sam was strong, stronger than anyone could have predicted. Which was why Lucifer had approached him gently. He had wanted Sam to say 'yes' willingly. It was imperative Sam become his Vessel of his own free will, because Sam was strong. So, incredibly, strong. So strong, in fact, that he had been able to catch the archangel off guard and pull all of them into the Cage.

Lucifer had only a moment to ponder this before they were submerged in darkness.

No…

Lucifer could feel himself panicking. He would not endure this. He could not bear The Great Silence again. Never!

For **eons** Lucifer had endured **The Great Silence**. There had been no light, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch. He had been cut off from all the angels in Heaven (agonizing –it was as though all his brothers and sisters had died all at once). He had been cut off from his Father, the one who had betrayed him. He had been cut off from his power, unable to do anything about his situation. Completely severed from all he had known and could ever know.

Eternal Nothingness.

They were still falling. Lucifer could feel it. Sam could feel it.

Landing hurt like Hell.

Every piece of Sam's body was broken. It killed Sam instantly. Sam's spirit floated up for a second, then came back down again (nothing got out of the Cage after all). Adam's did the same, but they both returned to their bodies.

In the corner of his vision, he saw Michael touch Adam's body and heal it. Hmm. So they were two entities now. Hmm. Then Lucifer realized he and Sam weren't connected anymore either. With a sudden panic he touched Sam's shattered body and healed it. Sam coughed.

Adam stuttered, looking around frantically, "Wh-where are we?"

Michael stood. He had taken the form of young John Winchester again. Only he was glowing now, he and Lucifer being the only lights in the inky blackness that surrounded them.

"Lucifer's Cage…" Michael muttered.

"Wh-huh?" Adam said, looking frightened.

"It worked." Sam said, sitting up. There was a triumphant smile on his face, "You'll never harm humanity again. Either of you."

Michael looked from Sam to Lucifer.

Then a barrel of grace hit Lucifer in the face.

"You!" Michael shouted, "How could you have let your Vessel overpower you?"

"Brother there is no point in fighting here!" Lucifer shouted back.

Brilliant white wings appeared behind Michael. He threw another blast of grace Lucifer's way, shouting "You had to have allowed it! It is the only explanation!"

Lucifer dodged the blast.

"Why?" Michael demanded, "Are you that determined to be disobedient? To defy Father's will even to the point of this?"

"Father has no will!" Lucifer shouted, "Everything has been up to chance since he left! You saw the Earth. You saw the humans. The very creatures Father wanted us to love above Himself, and yet they too were abandoned. Can't you see God doesn't care? That He isn't coming back?"

Lucifer dodged another blast and shot his own grace back at Michael. In the edge of his vision he saw Sam pulling Adam out of the way of the battling archangels.

"You give up too easily, brother." Michael said, "This was but a test. A test of our obedience."

"Do you really believe that, Michael?" Lucifer asked, "Do you really think God still cares about any of this?"

More blasts of grace were fired.

"It is not up to us to question the will of Father." Michael said. Then he turned to where Sam and Adam were crouching, "And it is not up to an insignificant, hairless ape to defy what had been prophesized for centuries!" he snarled. A ball of sizzling white grace formed in his hand. He drew his arm back and was about to throw it when Lucifer caught his wrist.

"Sam has nothing to do with this," Lucifer said.

Michael narrowed his eyes, "He overpowered you. He defied the will of God."

"If you destroy him, then what? Our battle was between you and me."

"The wicked and disobedient shall be punished. It is written." Michael said.

"It was also written you and I would battle on the Earth, but that didn't happen, did it?" Lucifer said.

"All because two humans, two Winchester brothers decided to fight their destinies." Michael growled, "They defied the Will of God. Now they must face the consequences. Or at least, the one I can reach will…"

"There is no point!" Lucifer flipped Michael over his head, smashing him into the ground. Michael retaliated with an explosion of power and the two angels were soon fighting again.

"Why are you so stubborn?!" Lucifer shouted.

"Because I am the good son!" Michael bellowed.

"Why would you care about destroying Sam? That wasn't written. The battle was always between you and me!" Lucifer yelled as he deflected Michael's blows.

"And now because of him it will not take place! Because of him Father may never return!"

The lights of grace died out and the two archangels landed. Michael's eyes were glowing blue and he was glaring at Lucifer.

"Is that what you believe..?" Lucifer whispered as Michael glowered at him, "You thought that somehow, by destroying me, it would bring Father back?"

Michael's hands clenched into fists.

The expression Lucifer gave him was one of pain and pity.

Michael stomped away.

"Where are you going?" Lucifer called.

"I am going to wait. I am the good son. Father will come for me. Someone will come for me." Michael stated.

The darkness swallowed Michael up.

Lucifer watched him disappear in silence.

"What an ass." Adam said.

Lucifer opened his mouth to agree with Adam. He had even planned to ask Sam if he was ok, but at that moment Sam and Adam vanished.

 **AN: So yeah this came from a prompt and I probably won't finish it. Sorry if my writing is choppy and hard to follow. The prompt can be found here: achiveofourown/works/8921509  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Silence.

A silence blacker than ink and darker than oblivion filled the Cage.

No.

He could not do this again.

Even fighting Michael was better than this.

His own words died on his lips.

Mute.

Nothing.

Empty.

Blackness.

"Hey buddy."

A voice. Or was it?

"C'mon, you can't say you don't remember me?"

More like a thought really.

"We had years together, eons…"

Was it even real?

"Well, I'm only as real as you are. Your own thoughts can get pretty loud when it's just you and them…"

Familiar. Almost.

"Oh, yeah, it's just you and me now. You'll never get out of here. There's nobody up top to save you anymore. Even pretty Sam Winchester is stuck down here…"

Sam…

"Yep. You're only salvation. And it's gone. Although, you gotta admit, there wasn't really much hope for you in the first place…"

Sam. Sam was here. If Sam was here, he wasn't truly alone.

"Oh, but what does that matter? You'll never see him again. You know how impenetrable this place is."

But there was a chance.

"No chance. You're all alone."

But he had memories. Fond memories. If he imagined enough he could see Sam's face, happy, smiling.

"You didn't make him smile. He was scared of you."

But they'd had moments together.

"And he plotted against you."

To save what he loved. Not unlike Lucifer himself, really.

"He hated you."

Not entirely. He had felt, even enjoyed, the sense of power Lucifer gave him when they were one Vessel. It had been wonderful.

"You sure about that? Perhaps it was all a dream. Perhaps you never left here in the first place."

But could Lucifer's mind ever dream up something like that? Lucifer hated humans, to consider he could be defeated by any of them was a bizarre, unthinkable idea until it had actually happened. And Sam. So real. So vivid. He hadn't know what Sam would look like. He had tried to imagine his Vessel on many occasions, during his previous imprisonment, but couldn't. Until he saw Sam for real.

"Doesn't matter now though. God's very cruel. He only gave you those moments so He could take them away. You'll never find Sam in here. Never see him again. You're all alone. In your own personal Hell."

Perhaps, but deep down he knew Sam was still here. And their memories were still here. He would think of them, imagine Sam for the rest of eternity. And even if Sam was out of reach, deep down Lucifer would always know that Sam was still with him. That he wasn't, truly, alone.

"You know what? Let's get some lights on in here."

There was snapping of fingers and everything was lit in a dim, orange, glow.

Lucifer found himself staring directly into the face of….

Nick?

Nick smiled, all middle-age-dad-looking and still wearing the green shirt and faded jeans Lucifer had last seen him in.

"Nick? What are you doing here?" Lucifer asked.

"Nick? Who's Nick? I'm you, silly." The not-Nick said.

Lucifer was confused, "Me?"

"Yeah. It's the form you're wearing now, can't you see?" Nick held up a mirror (where had that come from?).

Lucifer blinked at his reflection, "So it is."

"You put it on for Sammy, to make him more comfortable with you. It's kinda how he knows you outside his body."

"Huh…" Lucifer muttered.

"Speaking of, where is Sammy?" said not-Nick. He glanced around, then his eyes landed on Sam and Adam. They were dragging themselves around brimstone (the landscape had changed drastically for some reason), and Sam had his hand clutched around Adam's, "Ah, there he is…"

"Sam…" Lucifer whispered, taking a step towards him.

"Ah-ah-ah!" not-Nick said. He help his hand and Lucifer was paralyzed from the waist down.

Lucifer struggled against the invisible bonds, "Who are you?" he demanded.

Not-Nick sighed dramatically, "You know who I am."

"I don't…wait a minute… you're the Cage."

"I'm you." The figure insisted.

"No." Lucifer said, "You're not."

"Only I am. Aw, look at Sam and Adam. It's so cute how they're holding onto each other…gotta admire that Winchester loyalty, am I right? If only angels could take a few cues…"

Lucifer struggled harder against the invisible bonds holding him. He did not like the mocking, almost predatory look that figure was giving Sam.

"Sam, Sam, Sam, your mind is so simple these days. Use to it was all revenge, revenge, revenge. Tell you what I am _bored_ with your thoughts…" the figure looked Lucifer up and down and sighed. Then his gaze slid toward Sam and a sickening smile spread across his lips.

Run, Sam. Lucifer thought.

"But where's he gonna go? And with Adam tagging along too…" the figure asked, then it frowned, "You don't care much about Adam, do you?"

Lucifer looked away. Truly, he didn't think about Adam unless Michael was possessing him.

"In that case." The figure waved his hand and Adam was thrown across the landscape, far into the shadows. Dimly, Lucifer heard Sam scream Adam's name.

"Listen to that panic." The figured tsked, shaking his head, "Sam's all alone now."

"What are you going to do?" Lucifer whispered.

The figure grinned at Lucifer. The eerie orange light cast shadows on his face, making his eyes look like black holes.

"I'm gonna make him hate me. Or, rather, you." He replied.


	3. Chapter 3

"Adam?" Sam called. He was panting as he crossed the rocky terrain, frantically searching for his half-brother, " _Adam_?"

"Hello, Sam."

Sam started and whipped around. Lucifer was standing behind him. The angel looked like Nick again and he was still wearing the faded jeans and green t-shirt Sam had last seen on Lucifer's first vessel. He was also barefoot.

"How you feelin'?" Lucifer asked.

Sam backed away, stumbling as he hit the rocky orange bluffs behind him.

"Good? That's good. 'Cause I'm feeling kinda—"

Sam glanced around, looking for an out.

"—Hurt." Lucifer finished. He nodded his head, "Yeah, I'm…I'm _hurt_ , Sam. You…well, you screwed me over…" Lucifer glanced skyward, "Up there, well, I thought we had a thing, you know? An I help you, you help me, kinda deal. But, you had to pull me back into the pit. And just when I thought we were going steady…"

Sam swallowed.

Lucifer smirked, "Actually, Sam…"

Sam was slammed against the bluffs, Lucifer's hand wrapped around his neck.

"I'm kinda pissed."

Lucifer picked Sam up by the throat and rammed him into the rocks again. Sam let out a whimper of pain.

"You see, Sam, you beat me…" Lucifer said. His nostrils flared and he threw Sam onto the ground, "And I _really,_ hate losing."

Sam rolled over in pain. He weakly tried to crawl away, but Lucifer stomped on his throat, holding him in place.

Sam scrambled, frantically trying to loosen the heavy foot crushing his windpipe.

"So let me put it this way, Sam." Lucifer leered, "You may have won the battle up top but we're on _my_ terrain now. And from now till the rest of eternity, I'm going to make you my _bitch_!"

 **AN: So yeah this was a short (and no less crappy) chapter. Sorry if it's confusing. It's supposed be Sam's third-person P.O.V.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Leave him alone!" Lucifer roared.

The pseudo-Lucifer threw Sam against the rocks. Sam cried out as Pseudo-Lucifer jerked him up and threw him again, and again, and again into the bluffs.

When Sam crashed into the ground a fourth time he lay curled on his side, one arm draped over his broken ribs. His right eye was swollen shut in a purple bruise.

"Sam!" Lucifer cried.

The pseudo-Lucifer knelt beside Sam, smiling, "See Sam, it's just you and me now. For the rest of eternity. And we're only getting started."

Sam trembled. For a second Lucifer thought he was crying. Then he realized Sam was actually _laughing._

Pseudo-Lucifer stared at Sam in confusion, "What's so funny?" he demanded.

"I-I was just thinking," Sam said, a drop of blood running from his nose into his teeth, "About what you said earlier. And you know what? You're right. You may have dominion over me here, but I still beat you first. And nothing you do to me down here will ever change that. You might try to make me pay for it, but no matter what happens, I still _won_."

Pseudo-Lucifer scowled and Lucifer felt a surge of pride for his Vessel. His brilliant Sam was valiant even to the end. Even when faced with death and torture, he was still defiant.

Pseudo-Lucifer sighed, "I'm bored, Sam. How's about a change in scenery?" he snapped his fingers, "We can start by turning up the heat."

Several agonizing hours later, Pseudo-Lucifer rejoined Lucifer.

"Leave Sam alone." Lucifer growled.

"Sorry, no can do." Pseudo-Lucifer replied.

"This is my torture. My punishment. Sam has nothing to do with it." Lucifer pleaded.

"But he does. Sam has everything to do with it. This is your personal Hell."

"No. My Hell is being isolated from everyone and everything." Lucifer insisted. "I know. I lived in it for eons. Sam's not involved."

"Your Hell's changed." Pseudo-Lucifer said with a shrug.

That brought a stunned silence from Lucifer.

Pseudo-Lucifer laughed.

"All the same this place was made for me, not Sam. Leave Sam out of it." Lucifer said.

Pseudo-Lucifer sighed, "That's not really up to me. You're the one who determines what happens here."

"What do you mean…?"

Pseudo-Lucifer sighed again, "Haven't you been paying attention? This is _your_ Hell. Your punishment. Specified to what will hurt you the most. And when you think about it that way…" he casually slipped his hands in his pocket, "It's kinda like… you're the one doing all these things to Sam."

The growl that came from Lucifer was unlike anything that had been experienced in Heaven or Hell. He lurched for Pseudo-Lucifer, who took a step back, laughing as chains prevented Lucifer from reaching him.

"You see? Your love is toxic." Pseudo Lucifer laughed, then he glanced over his shoulder, "Oh! Gotta go, Sammy's waking up."


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: This chapter contains violence and mentions of rape/non-con.**

Pseudo-Lucifer loved to torture Sam.

His favorite method was choking. He liked to hang Sam from chains and listen as Sam screamed in agony over pits of fire. He liked to stab hooks into Sam and rip his insides out. He liked to brake Sam's bones one by one. He liked to crush Sam's throat so Sam couldn't voice his agony.

It was in those moments Lucifer screamed for him.

"Take me! I'm the one you want! _Hurt me instead_!" he pleaded.

Pseudo-Lucifer turned around and smiled. Then, with a flick of his wrist he broke Sam's neck.

Pseudo-Lucifer loved to deny Sam basic human needs. He never let Sam sleep. If he ever saw Sam nodding off he would scream until Sam's ears bled. Then he would heal Sam and start the process all over again.

He didn't let Sam eat or drink, either. One of Pseudo-Lucifer's favorite methods was to shrink Sam's body to the point of starvation. Then he would create a tray of food and laugh as Sam chased after it, the tray always being just out of Sam's reach…

The only solace was when Sam died. But even that didn't last long. Nothing got out of the cage, and Pseudo-Lucifer enjoyed killing Sam and bringing him back to life again. It terrified the human.

Lucifer screamed. He shrieked and rattled his chains, trying to reach Sam if only with his words, but to no avail. Of course it was to no avail. Sam couldn't hear him. He was powerless now, helpless to stop the events playing in front of him. This, more than anything, crushed the archangel. He had always had power, always had control. He had been his Father's favorite before his fall, the most beautiful, supreme angel in all of Heaven. He had been Morningstar, the bringer of light, able to flatten mountains with his power. Now he was nothing. A spectator in the audience of his own demise, his own punishment, unable to save even one helpless human.

 _Is this what it is like to_ be _human_? Lucifer wondered, To watch things be destroyed in front of your face and not be able to do a single thing about it? He had never given thought to how the creatures his father favored lived their lives. They were vile, murderous things; unjust, unlovable –truly instruments of their own demise. Yet perhaps their vices had roots in their origin. To be born so helpless, it was no wonder they sought control –even at the cost of destruction. The desire for protection, for power, was strong one, Lucifer knew, because these things lead to security. And now, watching Sam suffer, Lucifer felt he could almost empathize with the apes. Because now he knew what if felt like to be powerless. Powerless to the point of being unable to protect what you loved…

"Father," Lucifer prayed. How long had it been since he had prayed? Centuries, at least, "Father, please…" Lucifer prayed, "This isn't justice. This isn't right. Don't make him suffer just to punish me! Father please, _save him_!"

Lucifer waited, his only reply Sam's screams and the false Lucifer's laughter.

His Father didn't answer of course. He never did.

Years passed, and gradually Pseudo-Lucifer seemed to bore with his methods. He turned to psychological means instead, creating Dean, Bobby, Sam's mother, even Jess, and using them to frighten and hurt Sam. Sometimes he would have them call Sam's name. Beg for Sam's help. Die in front of Sam. Say they never loved him. Lucifer empathized with the boy's pain. He knew what it was like for your family to turn on you.

One day Pseudo-Lucifer seemed to get a new idea. Light danced over his eyes and he smirked at Sam as he watched the boy's body heal over from its previous torment.

"Wanna try something new, Sammy?" Pseudo Lucifer asked, kneeling by the human's side.

Sam gulped.

"Don't worry Sam, if you don't fight it, it might not hurt as much." Pseudo-Lucifer whispered in his ear.

"F-fuck you." Sam rasped.

"That an offer?"

And then the creature began to violate Sam. Sam fought it, at first. He cursed and swore and fought it with all his might. But gradually, he began to submit. He couldn't fight any longer. His endurance had run out. He could only handle so much. His body succumbed first, followed by his pride. Gradually, he began to do the things Pseudo- Lucifer told him to do, say the things Pseudo-Lucifer wanted him to say. He gave in to the humiliation.

Lucifer watched as the last shreds of Sam's dignity were torn apart.

And he was _enraged_.

It wasn't pain Lucifer felt then, or despair. It was anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. The rage of an archangel.

Cracks began to form on Lucifer's chains.

"That's a good boy, Sam." Pseudo-Lucifer whispered mockingly in Sam's ear and Sam whimpered.

Lucifer's voice grew deep, reverberating power, "You'll never touch him again." He said.

Then something happened.

An explosion.

Blinding flashes of red and white ripped across the cage.

Lucifer was free and the resulting outburst flattened everything in sight. Pseudo-Lucifer disintegrated in an instant. And Lucifer was clutching Sam's soul, holding him tightly. He turned back, going to recover Sam's body.

Only to see the white wings of a seraph retreating through the walls.

Mortified, Lucifer chased after the angel.

"CASTIEL!" Lucifer cried, "Castiel— WAIT!"

But it was too late.

The door to the Cage slammed shut.

Lucifer swore. He cursed every entity he knew. He cursed God. He cursed Dean. He cursed Castiel, who had well-meaningly returned for Sam only to leave the most important piece of him behind.

Lucifer cursed and blasphemed until he could swear no more. Then he dropped to his knees, cradling Sam against himself.

"It's going to be alright, kiddo." He whispered into Sam's ear.

Lies. All lies.

" _I will never lie to you…" he had promised._

"Everything's going to be alright." He assured the human.

" _Never trick you…"he had promised._

"I've got you." Lucifer told him.

" _I want to give you a gift. I want to give you everything." He had said.  
_

Although now he didn't have anything to give

"You're safe." He whispered.

And the archangel pressed that fragile, yet oddly strong soul against his heart. A heart that had suffered so much anger and betrayal and judgement and pain. A heart that _still_ felt angry. And plaintive. In the mist of the place that was supposed to be his punishment, Lucifer held the only thing in creation that he still loved.


	6. Chapter 6

The last thing Sam remembered was an explosion. Blackness followed. He was sure he had died again. Some new torture was sure to follow. It always did.

Slowly, he regained consciousness.

Someone was holding him, he could tell. Probably Lucifer. He had come to look forward to the brief moments between sessions when Lucifer prepared him for new torture. It was the only relief he had.

He waited.

Only new torture didn't come…

"Dean?" Sam croaked.

"Shh. Rest, Sam."

Hands gently stroked Sam's hair. He was being held against a broad chest and warm arms were wrapped around him.

"What…what happened?" Sam asked.

"Shh. You need to rest. You've been through a lot."

Sam let himself succumb to the blackness again.

When he awoke the second time he felt much more alert. Blinking dimly he could see the fabric of a moss green shirt pressed against his face. Hands were still holding him in an unfamiliar embrace. He felt comfortable, at peace.

Sam looked up, trying to see the face of his savior. A hand came down, pushing Sam further into the chest of his rescuer and obscuring Sam's view.

"Everything's ok, Sam." The deep voice vibrated in the chest .

"Who are you?" Sam asked.

"Nobody that's going to hurt you." Was the reply.

"Where's Lucifer?" Sam whispered.

"That… _thing_ that tortured you is long gone now. I incinerated him." The stranger replied.

Sam sighed and leaned against the chest that held him. He let himself remain there for a moment, relishing in the peace surrounding him.

"Who are you?" Sam asked again.

"Nobody you need to worry about. But you need to understand that I would never, _ever_ , hurt you."

Suspicion budded inside of Sam and he frowned. Something wasn't right here…

"Then why don't you tell me who you are?" Sam asked.

"Because that might frighten you." The voice replied.

"Why would it…" Sam looked into the face of his savior and screamed.

He was out of Lucifer's lap in an instant.

"Sam." Lucifer was standing, palms up, "I'm not going to hurt you."

Sam's heart was racing. He should have known his relief wouldn't last long. That it was preparation for some other form of torture…

"Sam wait!" Lucifer called.

But Sam was running.

He knew there was no way he could outrun the archangel. But he was still determined to put as much space between himself and Lucifer as possible. Shear fear propelled him forward.

The ground beneath his feet was uneven, spread into large, rising rings, like the sight of a meteor landing. Or an explosion. Sam didn't let it slow him down. Nothing could slow him down.

Sam glanced behind him, afraid he'd see the archangel advancing.

"Sam."

Lucifer appeared in front of him, giant blue luminescent wings emerging behind his back.

"Sam please. You need to let me explain."

Sam quickly changed directions.

"Sam, I won't hurt you."

Sam gasped as Lucifer appeared in front of him again. He tried to dodge the angel, but Lucifer grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Sam, listen to me."

Sam was panting, "Let me go."

"Not until you hear me out. I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I wanted to give you everything, remember?"

"Then why'd you torture me?" Sam grunted as he struggled against Lucifer's hold.

"I didn't. That thing you saw…it wasn't me. It was the Cage."

"You expect me to believe that?" Sam said, still fighting against Lucifer's hold.

"I expect you to listen to me. This is my Hell. My torment. It only makes sense that it would adapt to whatever hurts me the most."

"Yeah you really seemed to be suffering …" Sam snarled sarcastically, "I bet raping me was realllly painful for you…"

"That wasn't me!" the archangel exclaimed, "I'd never hurt you, Sam! But watching you suffer…"

Sam broke free of Lucifer's hold and staggered back. He expected the archangel to advance, to take hold of him, but for some reason Lucifer didn't.

"If you weren't torturing me, then who was?" Sam demanded.

Lucifer shut his eyes for a moment, "This place is designed to be my Hell. What you saw was the Cage talking."

Sam gave a sharp laugh, "Riiiiight. So if this place is your Hell, then why was I the one getting tortured? C'mon you're the prince of lies, surely you can make up a better story than that."

Lucifer folded his arms. His lips were pressed together in a thin line and his eyebrows were pinched. He swallowed and Sam saw the archangel's Adam's apple bob, "Because it knows that by hurting you, it hurts me too."

That made Sam pause, "Why?'

"Because I feel like I failed you. I never wanted this for you, Sam. I wanted to give you everything."

Sam shook his head, "You don't mean that. You're angry. Angry that I destroyed your plans and pulled us down here." Sam said, a defiant, determination glowing in his eyes, "Angry that I _won_."

Lucifer stared at Sam for a long moment, before slowly braking into a smile, "You did, didn't you?"

Now Sam was confused. Why was Lucifer smiling? More importantly why did his smile look genuine, without all the malice Lucifer had shown before?

"You defied all the odds and picked your own destiny," Lucifer said, and hell if he wasn't gazing almost _fondly_ at Sam now, "When faced with two options you picked a third. You chose your own path. You're incredible, Sam."

Sam staggered backward as his mind tried to make sense of what Lucifer was saying. It didn't make sense, any of it…

"I know it's going to take a while for you to trust me," Lucifer said, his smile fading, "After all you've been through, I wouldn't expect you to come to me right away. But I'll wait for you Sam."

Then Lucifer was gone.

Sam decided to look for Adam. He didn't know what his conversation with Lucifer had meant, but he knew he should find his half-brother. It had been years since they had been separated and Sam's torture had begun. He didn't know how well his half-brother was coping. What if Adam had been tortured too? The thought made Sam sick. _Dean would have done more…_ For a moment he feared he would never find him, but then he saw the boy, looking slightly lost, but unharmed, and standing behind a glowing figure that could only be Michael. Relieved, Sam walked behind them and put his hand on Adam's shoulder, causing his younger brother to start.

"Sam!" Adam exclaimed, pulling the hunter into a hug, "Sam! Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Sam said as they parted, "Yeah I'm ok." Or as ok as someone stuck in Hell could be…

"The explosion," Adam began, "Did you see that?"

"Yeah," Sam said.

"Any idea what it was?" Adams asked.

"No clue." Sam replied.

"Is that how you escaped?" Adam pressed.

"Escaped…?" Sam began.

"Lucifer," Adam whispered, as though just mentioning the archangel's name would summon the devil, "He was…"

"Yeah." Sam said with a swallow.

"I'm sorry." Adam said. He really looked it, too, "I wanted to help you but I…"

"Hey," Sam put his hand on Adam's shoulder, "There wasn't anything you could have done. He probably would have tortured you too…"

Adam swallowed, "I tried to get Michael to help, but he wouldn't do anything…"

"Well, angels are dicks." Sam said, which made Adam smile.

"They really are." He agreed, "But back to the explosion. You don't have any idea what caused it?"

"No," Sam said, "It knocked me clean out."

"Michael said another celestial being entered the cage. Did you see anything?" Adam pressed.

"No…" Sam said, "I didn't see anyone…"

Another celestial being? Like an angel? Sam couldn't think of any reason an angel would have to come inside the Cage…

"It was Castiel." Michael said, speaking for the first time.

The two brothers turned to face Michael. The archangel was sitting facing away from them, arms wrapped around his legs and chin on his knees.

"Cas was here?" Sam asked, excitement, and a little hope, budding inside of him.

"He was. He's long gone now." Michael said and Sam's hope deflated.

"He's just upset that Castiel wasn't coming for him." Adam muttered, "He's been pouting all day…"

"—What was Cas doing here?" Sam interrupted.

"I don't know." Michael replied, glancing over his shoulder at Sam, "I assumed he had come to take you with him." He frowned, studying Sam, "Your body is missing." He said.

"My…my body…?" Sam stammered.

"Yes," Michael said, "You're only a soul now."

"I…" Sam faltered.

"Castiel." Adam said suddenly, "He must have taken it."

"That's possible. I doubt he had time to assess if he had taken all of you in the chaos." Michael said, shaking his head, "I'm sorry."

"But he'll be back, right?" Sam said, starting to feel a little panicked, "I mean, without a soul, I'm basically dead, so…"

"No, you aren't dead without a soul." Michael said, "Your body will still continue to operate. The only difference is there will be no conscience. Imagine yourself acting without any moral obligation and you will have the result."

"I…" Sam slumped to the ground, "My God." He rubbed his face.

"God can't hear you now." Michael said.

"I—Dean." Sam said, "He'll figure it out. He'll know something's up…"

It was really taking some effort to bite down the panic he was feeling. He imagined Dean, thinking everything was back to normal, going on a hunt with a Sam that no longer had a conscience. What if Dean got in trouble? Would soulless Sam save him? Or would he let his brother die...?

Michael shrugged, "Perhaps, although I doubt Castiel will be able to safely enter the Cage a second time to retrieve you…"

"Well, at least Sam got away from…" Adam said and Sam squeezed his shoulder.

Guilt plagued Adams face, "I wanted to help you, Sam, really, I was just scared…"

"It's ok," Sam said, "there wasn't anything you could do."

" _Asshole_ over there could have tried something," Adam snarled.

"I told you it was pointless to intervene." Michael said, "This is Lucifer's punishment, nothing can stop it…"

"You could have tried!" Adam shouted. It was clear they'd had this argument before, "You could have done _something_!"

"No," Michael replied calmly, "I couldn't. My efforts would have been futile. But make no mistake, it pains me greatly to hear my brother's screams."

"You didn't have to go after Lucifer! You could have gone after _Sam_!" Adam yelled, but Michael was ignoring him again.

Sam's mind was reeling, trying to make sense of their argument while simultaneously tuning out Adam's choice name calling for Michael.

"Your brother was screaming…?" he asked Michael.

"Of course. He was in great pain." Michael replied.

"But…wh…how..?"

Lucifer, screaming? The only screams Sam remembered (besides his own) were the ones Lucifer used to keep Sam awake. And those weren't painful, at least, not for Lucifer…

"Jackass." Adam said, "Total, jackass…"

"Adam." Sam said breathlessly, "Was Lucifer torturing me?"

"Well, I mean, it was kinda confusing." Adam admitted, "I could see him hurting you, or somebody hurting you, but I could hear both of you screaming. It was weird."

Sam looked to Michael, "Michael, was Lucifer the one who tortured me?"

"I doubt it." Michael said, "I'll admit, I didn't tarry close enough to see what this place was doing to my brother, or you for that matter. Despite our differences, Lucifer is still my family, and I don't like to see him suffer. However, this place is his punishment, and I don't see how providing him the means to hurt someone else would fulfil that goal. And he cried for you, Sam. Begged for your life. He even offered to burn in your place. I've never heard him plead so adamantly for a human. Tell me, is that the attitude of a torturer?"

"I…" Sam took a step back, unable to process the information he was receiving.

"No, Sam, although it baffles me, I don't believe Lucifer hurt you." Michael replied.

Sam ran a hand over his face, "But if it wasn't Lucifer, then who …?" he began.

"I suspect the Cage has created an entity to punish Lucifer." Michael said.

"What…what kind of entity?" Sam asked.

"Whatever it takes to hurt my brother." Michael said quietly, "This is his Hell after all…"

"That doesn't explain why it went after me," Sam said, "Unless it just isn't picky, but you guys seem to be alright…"

"I'm bored, actually." Adam piped up, "There's only so many games you can teach an archangel, plus they're really slow learners and he cheats at poker."

"I do _not_ cheat." Michael said, "I merely have abilities that surpass your own. It isn't my fault human capabilities are inferior compared to an archangel's."

"Did I mention he's also conceited?" Adam asked.

"Guys…" Sam said, running a hand through his hair, "I think I'm gonna go…"

Adam stopped bickering with Michael, "Where?" he asked.

"I…I need to talk to Lucifer." Sam said.

Adam's eyes grew wide, "He might have been the one torturing you, and now you wanna go talk to him?"

"No, I…look, this is something I need to do." Sam said.

Adam stood up, "I'll go with you." He said.

"No I…I feel like I should do this alone." Sam said.

"You're gonna face the devil…alone?" Adam asked.

Sam swallowed, "I guess so."

"Promise you'll be back." Adam said, and Sam could see the fear in his half-brothers' eyes as Adam laughed nervously, "I mean, you don't want to miss out on checkers, right?"

"I'll try." Sam said, "But if I don't return you should stay here, it's safer."

Adam gulped, "Be careful, Sam."

Sam nodded, then he walked away from his half-brother and the archangel Michael.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam didn't know how long he had been walking. The Cage seemed to stretch for miles. The landscape was empty, nothing but the dirt underfoot and a giant, black abyss above. He could have been walking for hours and not known it (did time govern here, really?). And there was no sign of Lucifer.

Sam gazed around the empty scenery. Where could Lucifer have gone? There was nowhere to hide out here –but then again Lucifer was an angel, so perhaps he didn't need a hiding place in order to conceal himself.

Sam took a deep breath as he glanced around the Cage again. His voice felt thin and raspy when he spoke.

"Lucifer?" he whispered.

"Yes, Sam?"

Sam jerked around, "Ack!" Lucifer was standing directly behind him, "Don't scare me like that!"

Lucifer placed his hands in his pockets, blue eyes studying Sam. A moment of silence passed between them.

"You called." Lucifer finally said.

"Yeah." Sam rubbed the back of his neck.

Lucifer continued to gaze up at him, waiting for Sam to speak.

"Uh…" Sam cleared his throat, "I just came back from talking to Michael. He uh, didn't seem to think you were the one torturing me…"

"No, Sam, I wasn't." Lucifer replied.

"Then _who?_ " Sam exclaimed, "If not you then _who_?!"

"There's another entity here," Lucifer explained, "He's been here a long time. As long as I have, if not longer. His job is to punish me. He disguised himself as me and tortured you. I'm so sorry, Sam."

Sam shook his head in disbelief, "There it is again." He said, "Punishing _you_. But if this is about _your_ punishment, then why in the hell did he go after _me_?! How does hurting _me_ punish _you_?"

Lucifer's mouth opened, then shut again. He swallowed before he finally replying, "I'm not sure."

Sam raised his eyebrows, "You're not _sure_?"

Lucifer shook his head, "I can guess, Sam, but I don't know anything for certain. Not anymore…"

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Fine. Take a _guess_ then."

"Well, like I told you before, you and I are two halves made whole. So, it's possible that the Cage views you as part of me, and therefore something it should punish…"

Sam gulped, "I am _not_ you." He said.

"I know." Lucifer said, "You proved that in the graveyard. But the Cage doesn't see it that way. It sees…everything about me. How much I wanted you. How…alone, I felt. Cut off from my father, my brothers, my sisters, all of God's creation. I don't think you can imagine it, years and years of nothing, not even darkness. Just an endless abyss. No sight, no sound, no smell, no touch, no taste. Like being dead, but without an afterlife." Lucifer's gaze flickered to Sam, "When God had Michael cast me out I lost everything. Everything except for you. You were my _only_ hope. The one thing I had left. My True Vessel."

"Yeah, but that's all over now." Sam said, "You don't need me to be your meat suit down here."

"You were never my 'meat suit', Sam." Lucifer said.

Sam suddenly felt uncomfortable, the kind of uncomfortable he had felt when he spoke to Lucifer on Earth. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Lucifer sighed, "You and Dean. You both have this… conception, that the only reason I would want you is so I could use you. That you were just a body I could operate in while roamed the earth and carried out my 'evil' plans…" Lucifer scoffed and shook his head, "But if that was true why didn't I torture you into saying 'yes'? I could have. I could have tortured your brother, Dean. I could have killed him if I wanted. Could have threatened everyone you love. I could have made living impossible for you until you bent to my will. But I didn't. Why didn't I do that, Sam?"

"Dunno." Sam said, "Maybe because you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar?"

Lucifer smiled, "I'm glad you appreciate the value of flattery, but no. No, Sam, the truth was I knew you'd come to me on your own. I didn't have to hurt you to make that happen. I didn't have to charm you, either. All I had to do was be honest. Because you were never my meat suit. You were always my partner. My companion for all eternity. I didn't want to rule over you, I wanted to rule _with_ you. Being my Vessel was just…a necessary evil. It was the only way I could be free."

Lucifer sighed, "I think the Cage senses that. How you are more to me than just my Vessel. And he's using that to hurt me. By hurting you. I'm so sorry, Sam. I never wanted this for you. I wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy."

"But aren't you angry?" Sam asked, "I mean, I still betrayed you. I overpowered you and pulled us down here. I ruined all your plans for revenge. I basically put you back in prison."

Lucifer smiled sadly and shook his head, "I can't be angry with you, kiddo." he said, "You're too much like me."

Sam's head snapped up and he finally met Lucifer's eyes, "I am _nothing_ like you." He bit out.

"But you are. We are two parallels you and I. Both cast out by our fathers. Both at odds with the life we were given. Both willing to fight our destinies even to the point of defying the will of God…"

"Stop it." Sam said.

"Besides, we had a deal, right? If you could win the struggle for control inside your head I'd let you jump in the hole and bring me with you. And you won, kiddo. You won. Not that I ever wanted this for you, but you won, fair and square… you truly are my equal."

Sam shuffled his feet and avoided Lucifer's eyes, "So what happens now?" he asked.

Lucifer shrugged, "Beats me, kiddo."

Sam's heart began to raise again as another thought entered his mind, "That thing…do you think it'll –"

"No." Lucifer said. His voice had deepened dangerously, "No, I won't let it."

Sam realized his left hand was shaking. He clenched his fist and commanded it to be still.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight." Lucifer continued, "Believe me, Sam, if I had known this would happen – if I had known what the Cage would do to you, I never would have let Michael distract me. I wouldn't have let us be separated."

"Where did you go?" Sam asked quietly.

"I was there, kiddo." The sadness in Lucifer's voice was enough to make Sam glance up at him, "He chained me up and made me watch. I'm so sorry."

"How did you get out?" Sam asked.

Lucifer pressed his lips together, "Again, I'm not sure. I was angry, very angry. I think Castiel is to blame for it, though. When someone new enters, the Cage has to reorient itself. I think Castiel's presence distracted it enough for me to get free."

"The explosion." Sam said suddenly, "That was you, wasn't it?"

Lucifer nodded, "That was me. All that pent up power just … came out at once."

"And you got free." Sam said.

"Yes."

Sam sighed and sat on the ground. He found himself unsurprised when the archangel joined him.

"It's a lot to take in." Lucifer said.

"Yeah." Sam agreed. He turned his gaze to the ground and rubbed some dirt between his thumb and forefinger. It had an orange tint to it. Probably infused with iron.

"Take as long as you need." Lucifer said, gently "I'll wait for you."

 **So yeah. Hopefully I made something comprehensible.**


	8. Chapter 8

Sam blinked, "Dean?" he asked, sitting up in his sleeping bag to study his brother. Dean was sitting across the campfire from him, trying to roast marshmallows and unwrap a chocolate bar at the same time.

"Chocolate with almonds? You're such a weirdo." Dean remarked, eying the candybar in his hands with distaste.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked.

"What? You thought you were gonna roast marshmallows without me? Fat chance." Dean replied as he pulled a lightly browned marshmallow from the stick he was holding and popped it into his mouth.

Sam groaned and propped himself up.

Dean held up a box of graham crackers, "S'more?" he asked.

"Uh, no thanks I'm good." Sam replied.

Dean shrugged, "More for me." He replied and set the box back on the ground.

"Look, uh, h-how exactly did you get here?" Sam asked.

"You know what would be nice?" Dean remarked, "Couple of babes. I'm thinking about 5ft 7", long blonde hair, and a big smile to keep you warm, y'know?"

"Uh…" Sam stared.

"You could use one too. God knows you need to get laid." Dean added.

"Um…" Sam stared as Dean fashioned a s'more and took a big bite.

"You sure you don't want any?" Dean asked, holding up his s'more and talking with his mouth full.

"Yeah, I'm sure…" Sam answered, watching Dean warily.

There was a loud crunch as Dean took another bite.

"Look…Dean…" Sam began as Dean finished his treat and began licking marshmallow off his fingers, "I know this isn't real…"

Dean attached more marshmallows to his stick and raised an eyebrow.

"This isn't real…" Sam began, "Because I'm in Hell, and you're on the surface living an ordinary life…or at least, that's what I told you to do…"

"Aw, come on, Sam, you know the apple pie life isn't for me." Dean replied, shoving more marshmallows on his stick, "How long do you think I'd last? A year, maybe? Then I'd find some poor soul in distress and I'd think 'what's the harm in helping them out'? And then I'd find some _other_ supernatural problem to solve and before you know it, I'm back in the business."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Sam breathed.

Dean must have shoved about seven marshmallows in his stick by now. He extended them over the fire.

"Dean…" Sam breathed, "I know you think I'm on the surface with you right now but I'm not. My soul is still down here…"

"Yeah, I know." Dean said turning his marshmallows over the fire, "You're a cold, calculated sociopath upstairs…but then again, we saw the kind of decisions you made when your soul was still _in_ your body, which kinda makes you wonder, am I really any worse for wear?"

Sam recoiled like Dean had slapped him.

"W-what…?" Sam stuttered, "I…I mean, yeah, I messed up. I messed up big time. But I fixed my mistake…I put Lucifer back in the Cage, Michael too…"

"Uh-huh. Not before a lot of people died, though." Dean replied.

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed, "I did the best I could...you _know_ that…why are you doing this?"

"Doing what? Stating facts?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Throwing everything in my face." Sam snapped.

Dean shrugged, "It's true. You screw everything up. Honestly, the world is better off without you in it."

"You don't mean that…" Sam whispered.

"Let's face it Sam." Dean said, "You deserve what's happened to you."

"Sam! Sam!"

Sam jolted awake with a frightened gasp. Dean and the campfire where both gone and he was back in the Cage with Lucifer, who was hovering over him, seemly in worry.

"It's alright, Sam." Lucifer said as he placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, "You were dreaming."

"I can dream?" Sam asked in confusion.

"Yes. Souls can sleep…in a sense." Lucifer replied.

"In a sense _how_?" Sam asked suspiously.

"They don't need to." Lucifer explained, "Just as your soul doesn't need to eat or drink, but it can, as long as your mind remembers what it is like."

"Oh." Sam said.

Lucifer's hand remained on Sam's shoulder, and the angel frowned as Sam shrugged it off, "Are you alright?"

"I…yeah." Sam swallowed, "It was just a dream."

Lucifer didn't press the issue and Sam absently rubbed his cheek. There was an indention there, like he'd been leaning against something hard…One glance at their position and Sam deduced he had been lying against Lucifer's knee. He recoiled immediately, pushing himself away from the archangel while Lucifer frowned.

"Are you _sure_ you're alright?" Lucifer asked.

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine…" he answered, not wanting to think about how close he'd been sleeping to the devil. He cleared his throat and changed the subject to something he'd been wondering about for a while now, "So…" he began, "If I'm a just soul then why does it still look like I have…?" he flexed his fingers.

"A body? Because that's how you see yourself." Lucifer replied.

"How I see myself…?" Sam repeated dumbly.

"Yes. You view yourself as still having a body, so that's the form your soul takes." Lucifer explained simply.

"Oh." Sam said. He wiggled his fingers thoughtfully for a moment, "So if this is all an illusion… what does my soul _really_ look like?"

Sam didn't expect the angel to answer and was surprised when Lucifer seemed to seriously considered the question.

"Hmm." Lucifer folded his fingers together and pressed them thoughtfully to his lips. His gaze met Sam's and his blue eyes were piercing as he replied, "I suppose you could say your soul looks like any other human soul –pulsating energy and radiating colors of light a human mind could never process…but it's different too. No human soul is exactly the same. And yours is _very_ unique. Much like any other but…brighter. Flickers of energy not seen in other humans. Effervescent with a different variation. It is difficult for me to describe it to you. But it is _very_ beautiful."

Sam realized Lucifer had been staring into his very core. Feeling exposed he shrank back, wanting to cover himself. But how do you hide your soul from an archangel?

"Um…" he rasped weakly.

"What is it, Sam?" Lucifer asked with a smile, "Never had someone describe your soul to you before?"

"Uh…" Sam swallowed, "Uh, no."

"It has always puzzled me," Lucifer began thoughtfully, "How little attention you humans pay to your souls. You have all this knowledge about your bodies –what they do, how they function—but you neglect to look any further. To see what lies _beneath_ the surface. It's like you're afraid to acknowledge there might be something _more than meets the eye_. And so you base your knowledge _entirely_ on what you can see, neglecting everything else to the point of _denying_ it exists."

"Yeah." Sam agreed, "I suppose we do…"

"Your soul is immensely important." Lucifer continued, "Did you know it connects with your mind?"

"No, I didn't." Sam replied, intrigued.

"Thoughts and feelings intermix with your soul. There is a direct link that connects a human soul to the brain." Lucifer explained.

"Wow. That's…" Sam's eye widened. Dean had appeared behind Lucifer, casually sipping a beer.

"What's wrong, Sam?" Lucifer asked.

Sam swallowed, "Um, could you…turn around?"

Lucifer glanced over his shoulder, "What?"

Dean had vanished.

"Uh…" Sam swallowed, "Nothing. I thought I saw…it's nothing."

Lucifer frowned, "What did you see, Sam?"

"Nothing, I…" Sam shook his head. When Lucifer's intense gaze didn't flinch Sam finally answered, "Dean?"

Lucifer's frown deepened, "What was he doing?"

"Nothing just…"

"What. Was. He. _Doing_?" Lucifer demanded. His voice had deepened dangerously.

"Drinking a beer." Sam finally replied.

"May I see the memory?" Lucifer asked.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Sam, please." Lucifer said.

"Um…ok, sure." Sam replied.

Lucifer placed two cool fingers to Sam's forehead and shut his eyes. When he removed his fingers Sam heard the angel sigh in relief.

"Well, I don't think that… _thing_ has come back. I think it's just your mind." Lucifer replied.

"My _mind_?" Sam asked in confusion.

Lucifer nodded, "Yes." His voice acquired a softer tone, "You miss your brother. He's been there your entire life. Now you are trying to cope with the separation."

"I…" Sam stuttered. Dean had appeared again. He was polishing his pistol with a rag, "So you're saying it's not the Cage I'm seeing. Or Hell. Or whatever. I'm just… just crazy?"

"Not crazy." Lucifer replied, "You've been through a _lot_ , Sam. You can't survive all that without _some_ repercussions."

"So how am I going to know what's real?" Sam demanded.

"I could help if you want." Lucifer offered, "I could make the hallucinations go away. But that means you won't see Dean anymore."

Sam nodded, "He isn't real." Sam said, "Get rid of him."

Lucifer touched Sam's forehead again and Dean vanished. Sam surprised himself at feeling a sense of loss when the image disappeared.

"I couldn't help seeing some of your other memories, Sam." Lucifer commented after a moment, "You had a dream about Dean."

Sam scoffed, trying to hide his discomfort at the angel seeing into his mind _yet again_ , "What of it?"

"Dean would never say those things to you." Lucifer replied.

"You think I don't _know_ that?" Sam demanded.

"I think you're feeling guilty, Sam. Guilty for things that are not your fault."

"What's it to you?" Sam demanded.

"You should forgive yourself. You put yourself in Hell to save the world. A more selfless thing you could not have done. Isn't that penitence enough?" Lucifer shook his head, "Dean is not better off without you."

"Doesn't matter. It's not like I'll ever see him again." Sam muttered, "And besides, I thought you didn't _like_ Dean. I mean, you did try to kill him in the end."

"That's because he kept coming _back._ He wasn't supposed to come back!" Lucifer snarled, "He was supposed to cast you out like Michael did me, leaving you all alone like I was. Instead he kept getting in the way. Messing things up. Always returning for _you._ Always coming back. And I thought...why? Why do you get to have a family member return for you? You were there when I asked Michael to walk off the chessboard –and he chose destruction. So why did Dean, human Dean, come back while all _my_ family blindly followed Father's wishes?" Lucifer shook his head angrily.

"You're jealous." Sam realized.

Lucifer didn't answer.

"You're jealous because I had Dean, and you had nobody." Sam finished for him, "That's why you beat Dean. That's why you snapped Bobby's neck…"

A muscle rotated in Lucifer's jaw, and he stared stonily at the ground. Sam could see the anger in the cold blue eyes, yes, but there was also pain. Sam found himself almost wanting to reach out and touch the angel, but he resisted the urge.

"I hope Dean figures out I'm not all together up there." Sam muttered, "I hope he can figure it out…before it's too late."

"I hope so too." Lucifer replied and Sam gave him a curious look.

"The Dean _I_ met wouldn't stand around while his baby brother's soul rots in Hell." Lucifer explained, "He'd do everything in his power…in whatever power he could find…to get you out of here."

Sam gulped at the implications. He didn't even want to think of what Dean might do to save him.

"So does that mean you…want me to leave?" Sam asked Lucifer. The thought almost bothered him.

"It's not that I dislike your company, Sam," Lucifer replied quietly, "But you don't deserve this place, kiddo."

"I don't think it matters who deserves what at this point." Sam replied, "We're both stuck down here."

"That we are." Lucifer agreed, "That we are."


	9. Chapter 9

At some point Sam fell asleep again. They had sat in silence for some time, before Sam's eyes grew heavy and his head fell against Lucifer's knee.

Lucifer smiled fondly and gently stroked the chestnut locks of hair. Sam still perceived himself as having a body, so his soul had imitated it to best of Sam's memory. Lucifer could see through the illusion, however, to the true colors and energy pulses that composed his vessel's soul.

At least Sam perceived himself as having a body that was whole. When Lucifer first retrieved Sam, there _had_ been actual damage to Sam's soul. His very core had been fractured by the torture. But Lucifer had healed him, repairing the damage and putting Sam back together. However, Sam's mind still believed he was injured, so his soul had taken the appearance of a broken, damaged body. It was a form Lucifer knew would cause Sam immense discomfort when he awoke. It had taken a lot of coxing to persuade Sam he was well again. That his injuries had been healed and there was nothing to be scared of. Mostly it had taken time. Time for Sam to repair himself. To believe he could be well. The human mind was both a great and terrible thing. Lucifer had kept Sam unconscious for most of it, only allowing Sam to awaken once his soul believed it was whole.

A crease appeared between Sam's eyes and Lucifer frowned in puzzlement. Then Sam's eyebrow knit and he winced.

Could it be that Sam was having…nightmares?

A flare of anger shot through Lucifer.

 _No_. After everything Sam had gone through, he would not allow the boy to be tortured by the caverns of his own _mind._

Lucifer placed two fingers against Sam's forehead. A shot of grace pushed the dreams away and Sam's face relaxed. Lucifer sighed in relief.

"See Sam? I won't let anything hurt you." Lucifer whispered to the sleeping human, "Not even your own mind…"

"Hello brother."

Lucifer whipped around, his arms instinctively coiling around Sam, "Michael." Lucifer stated, "What are you doing here?"

"He's here to apologize." Replied another voice. Adam appeared behind Michael, crossing his arms.

"Apologize? You?" Lucifer eyed his brother skeptically.

"I told you, Adam, there was nothing I could do. This is Lucifer's Hell. Nothing I did would have changed anything." Michael said.

Adam rolled his eyes, "Fine. We're here to check on Sam."

"Sam is sleeping. I would prefer it if you didn't disturb him." Lucifer replied, placing a hand over Sam's ear and shielding it with his grace.

"Is he ok?" Adam asked.

"Yes." Lucifer answered.

"He didn't come back and I was wondering if…"

"Sam is fine." Lucifer repeated. His gaze flitted to Michael, "I didn't think Sam's health concerned you…"

"It doesn't." Michael replied, "Not really."

"Then why are you _here?_ " a threatening growl appeared in the back of Lucifer's throat and his arms tightened around Sam.

"Relax, brother. I'm not going to touch Sam." Michael replied.

"You'd _better not."_ Lucifer snarled.

"But I am curious. Why does that concern you?" Michael asked.

"What do mean?" Lucifer asked.

"I mean, why do you protect him? And more importantly why did the _Cage_ attack him? This is your Hell, but your Vessel…is no longer needed. He is not a part of you. So why would the Cage harm him? Unless…" Michael took a step forward, "Unless he matters to you. Have you changed your perception of humanity?"

"No." Lucifer replied, "My perception of humanity is what it always was: they are less than God. They always were."

"Then why are you protecting Sam?" Michael persisted.

"Sam does not deserve this place." Lucifer answered, eyes trailing on the peaceful human.

"Why not? He pulled us in here. Your own savior has jailed you."

"Sam did it to protect what he loves. To protect Father's creation –a creation that we were going to destroy by fighting each other. He saved the very humanity God told us to bow before. Surely even _you_ can appreciate that."

"He denied us our destinies."

"Did you really want that Michael?" Lucifer snarled blue eyes alight as he glared at his brother, "Do you really want to destroy me that _badly_?" the last sentence came out more painfully than Lucifer wanted it to.

"No." Michael answered quietly, "I don't. But I still want to know…why Sam? Why would you care so much for a single human? Why would you, who declared humanity vile and murderous before our Father –"

"You shared my sentiment." Lucifer breathed, "You didn't dare voice your opinion, but you shared my sentiment. You knew I was _right_ –"

"That's not important." Michael interrupted, "You declared humanity vile and sinful and _unworthy_ of love. You _ripped_ our family in _half_ –"

"They picked their sides. They made their own choices –" Lucifer insisted.

"Made our family fight in Heaven. You made our Father leave –"

"Noone makes _Dad_ do _anything_." Lucifer snarled.

"You forced me to throw you in here. Made me lock you in this Cage –"

"You didn't have to…" Lucifer whispered.

"And yet here you are." Michael shook his head, disbelieving eyes studying Lucifer, "With your wings wrapped around Sam like he's the very last thing worth protecting –"

"Wings? What wings?" Adam interrupted.

Michael sighed, "Your eyes can't see into different planes like an angel's. But I can see Lucifer's wings. And they're wrapped around Sam. It's a very protective stance."

"Oh..." Adam said.

Lucifer swallowed and didn't reply. Sam stirred in his sleep and Lucifer adjusted him so the human would lay more comfortably against his shoulder.

"So I am puzzled." Michael continued, "As to why, after all your defiance of Father's Will and everything you did to prove humans were the vile cockroaches you claimed them to be…why are you protecting one of the creatures you so detest?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you." Lucifer answered, "You don't listen, Michael. You never did. You know what you are? A solider without any orders. Nothing but a blind puppet without anyone to pull the strings, so you're sitting around limp with nothing to do. Nothing but cling to old grievances and search for a puppeteer who left the stage a long time ago."

A muscle twitched in Michael's jaw, "This isn't about me, brother..."

"Do you think I deserve this, Michael?" Lucifer snarled, finally facing the older angel and glaring, "To be Caged here, all alone, with nobody? _Nothing_? Centuries of isolation, just for loving God more than humanity?"

"If you truly loved God you would have done as he asked." Michael replied.

"He asked the impossible!" Lucifer roared.

"And that is why you deserve this place." Michael stated.

"God made me the way I am!" Lucifer shouted, rising to his feet, "He _created_ me. He gave me the ability to make my own decisions, the ability to _think._ Something _you_ apparently lack!God. Wanted. The devil."

Michael narrowed his eyes, shaking his head, "And _still_ you cannot take responsibility for what you've done." He growled, "Blaming everyone but yourself…"

"You know what's so terrible about you, Michael? You're a hypocrite. You know what I'm saying. You agree with me. But you deny yourself in order to please someone who left a _long_ time ago…"

"Yes. And see where your free thinking got you?"

"And see where following orders landed you? In the same place as me." Lucifer countered.

"Neither of us would be here if it weren't for Sam. Why are you protecting him?" Michael demanded.

"It's not his fault." Lucifer answered softly.

"You say that, and yet here we are."

"I was willing to walk off the chessboard with you, Michael, but you _had_ to fight. _I_ was willing to walk away but you _had_ to destroy me, forcing Sam and Dean to cage us here…" Lucifer scoffed and shook his head, "Perhaps we should be grateful. At least this way we don't have to kill each other."

Michael swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, "You're right." He answered quietly, "This way I don't have to destroy you…"

A moment of silence passed between them.

"Suppose Sam hadn't interfered," Lucifer asked, "Suppose you had been successful in killing me. What would you have done after?"

"Wait for Father to return." Michael replied.

"And if He didn't?"

Michael took a deep breath. His eyes were sad as he replied, "I guess we'll never know, will we?"

He turned and walked away.

Adam remained, watching Michael disappear in the distance. Lucifer returned to his spot on the ground.

"Can I speak to Sam?" Adam asked.

Lucifer eyed Sam's half-brother. The light brown hair, the blue eyes, looking both small and determined. He gently brushed his grace from Sam's ears.

"Sam, you have a visitor." Lucifer whispered.

Sam stirred and sighed.

"It's ok, kiddo." Lucifer breathed, "I won't let him hurt you."

Hazel eyes drew open and blinked slowly, "What….?" Sam murmured. He stiffened, eyes widening when realized he was being held against Lucifer's shoulder. With a gasp he pushed himself away.

"You have a visitor, Sam." Lucifer reminded him.

Sam turned around.

"Adam!" Sam exclaimed, hurrying to his half-brother and embracing him.

"Heya Sam! You ok?" Adam asked.

"Yeah…" Sam rubbed the back of his head, "Me and Lucifer just needed to talk about…stuff…"

"So he didn't hurt you then?" Adam asked.

"No." Sam replied, casting a wary glance at Lucifer. The Angel watched them quietly.

"Walk with me." Sam said to Adam. The two the them turned away, and Sam noted Lucifer made no attempt to follow them.

"Well, if he _does_ try to hurt you, just scream or something. I'll make Michael come for you." Adam added in hushed voice as they crossed the endless terrain.

Sam smiled, "Thanks, Adam."

Adam sighed in relief, "Good. Look, I tried to get Michael to talk to Lucifer, but that didn't go over so well…"

"It usually doesn't." Sam agreed.

"I don't understand it." Adam sighed in frustration, "We're all stuck down here, may as well try to get along..."

"One thing I've learned about angels –once they get fixated on their feuds and problems, they really don't think about how it affects anybody else." Sam told Adam.

"It ended with Michael stomping off again. Are angels usually so broody?"

Sam laughed, "I'm really not sure to be honest…"

Adam groaned, "I can see him now, all moody and sulky in his corner, throwing a pity party like he's the only one who's stuck down here…" Adam rolled his eyes.

"Angels _can_ be a little conceited." Sam agreed.

Adam sighed, "I think I'd better go check on him anyway. See you around. Come back soon, would ya? And I'm really glad you're ok."

Sam smiled, "See you, Adam."

Sam returned to Lucifer. The angel was absently drawing pictures in the red dirt. Sam watched him curiously as he doodled a pitchfork in the soil.

"Hey Lucifer…?" Sam asked.

"Yes, Sam?" Lucifer drew points on the ends of his pitchfork.

"I want to ask you something…" Sam began nervously.

"Ask me anything." the angel replied. The patience in his voice gave Sam the boldness to continue.

"Ok. I want to know about God."

 **thanks for putting up with this, guys.**


	10. Chapter 10

Lucifer's body went rigid, "God." He repeated.

Sam swallowed and wondered if he had made a dreadful mistake.

"That's…that's a tall order, kiddo. What do you want to know?" Lucifer asked.

Sam took a deep breath to begin, then his mind was filled with a million questions. So many that he didn't know what to ask first. _What was it like to have God as a Father? How did He create the universe? Are aliens real? Why did He make ears...?_

"What…what's He like?" Sam finally stuttered.

Lucifer laughed and Sam felt the tension in the air dissolve, "I'm not sure how to describe Him to you. He's…he's big. And small. He had a _presence_ , and you always knew when you were in it. And He was immensely powerful…" Lucifer shook his head, "You ask tough questions, kiddo. Those are hard to answer." His eyes met Sam's steadily, "But that's good. Never feel guilty for asking questions, Sam."

"He left, right?" Sam muttered.

Lucifer looked at the ground, "Yes, Sam, He left."

"But you don't know why. Michael doesn't know why. The other angels don't know why. The demons don't know why. The humans don't know why…" Sam trailed off, "He just…left."

"I wish I knew the reason." Lucifer replied.

"Ever think maybe He's still around?" Sam asked, "I mean…He's God, right? He can pretty much do whatever He wants. So maybe He _is_ still around, just on another level—a level we don't recognize, and maybe He's still involved—and we just don't realize it?"

Lucifer scoffed and shook his head, "So, where was God, then, while you were being tortured?"

Sam swallowed and looked at the ground.

"Where was God, while you were _begging_ for mercy. What _level_ was He hiding in while you were _screaming_ in pain? When you were praying, saying that you would do _anything_ to make the pain stop? When you were being tormented without mercy, past the limits any human could possibly endure. _Where was God then?_ "

Sam flinched at the anger in Lucifer's voice.

A moment of silence passed and the wrath faded from Lucifer's eyes.

"I'm sorry, kiddo." Lucifer added gently, "I don't think you're foolish for still having faith in God." Lucifer sighed, "In a way, I envy you. You have hope. I don't."

"Your fall…" Sam began, licking his lips as he phrased a question he had been thinking about for a while, "Remember when I said 'yes' to you and you could see inside my head, at all of my memories?"

"I remember that very well." Lucifer replied, giving Sam a small smile.

Sam gulped, "Well, during that time, you could see inside my head…but I could also see inside of yours."

Lucifer looked taken aback.

"Well, not your memories per say." Sam clarified, "But I could sense all of your emotions. You couldn't hide anything from me. Just like I couldn't lie to you, you couldn't lie to me. Because I would know."

"I would never have lied to you anyway." Lucifer told him.

"I know, but, it got me thinking…I mean…just now. About Stull Cemetery, when you were trying to get Michael not to fight and come with you. When you were explaining yourself. You said that what had happened wasn't your fault. You said that God. _Wanted_. The devil. You said He _made_ you what you were. And that was true." Sam furrowed his brow, and he raised his hands for emphasis, "It was _so_ true. I could tell something had happened. That God had physically. Done. Something. _To_ you. Something to _make_ you not like humanity."

Lucifer was watching him, one arm resting on his knee. Sam met Lucifer's eyes, "What did He _do?"_ Sam whispered.

Lucifer gave a heavy sigh, "That is a long, complicated story."

Sam motioned to the air around them, "We've got time."

Lucifer smiled a little bit, but the expression morphed quickly into sadness, "Alright, Sam. But beware, this might take a while."

Hours later Sam sat at the angle's feet, gaping at Lucifer in disbelief, "God had a _sister_?" he asked incredulously.

"Amara. Also known as The Darkness." Lucifer explained.

"But I've never even _heard_ of her. Not in all of my lore, or in any book, any article I've studied, have I _ever_ come across her!"

"She was put away before humans started writing, Sam."

"Ok. So God pulled you away. He told you His plan for locking up Amara using the Mark of Cain…"

"Using what would be _known_ as the Mark of Cain, yes." Lucifer clarified.

"And that Mark…corrupted you?"

Lucifer grimaced, "It contained Amara, a Dark Force to begin with. It did what it inevitably does—bring out the worst in its carrier."

"It made you hate humans?" Sam asked.

"Yes and no. I never liked humanity to begin with. They were less than my Father, but, for some reason He loved them more than _all of us._ It wasn't fair. The Mark…made what I was feeling impossible to ignore. It consumed me for days and nights on end. I couldn't help thinking about how unjust everything was. How disgusting His new creation had become –I grit my teeth and was silent for a while, but then God asked me to do the impossible; He wanted me to _bow_ before His new creation. I said "Father I _can't,_ they are vile, murderous! I won't bow before anyone but you!" and for that God cast me out. So you see Sam, He cursed me, asked me to do the impossible—what He _knew_ was impossible— and then He locked me away." Lucifer's hands were balled into fists. He took a deep, shuddering breath.

Sam stared and the red soil. He didn't like the picture Lucifer was painting of God. Sam had always clung to the hope that some greater Force was at work in the universe. That some loving, wonderful, all-powerful Being was in control. But if what Lucifer was saying was true (and Lucifer had promised never to lie to him) then God wasn't justice. He was a deadbeat dad blaming everyone else for His actions and leaving when things got hard.

It made Sam sick.

And angry.

But this was only one side of the story. God would have to tell the other half. And God wasn't around to do that.

Sam sighed.

"Did I crush your dreams, kiddo?" Lucifer asked.

"A little bit." Sam admitted.

"I promised I wouldn't lie to you." Lucifer pointed out.

"I know." Sam ran a hand through his long hair and wet his lips. He took a deep breath. "What makes me different?"

"How do you mean?" Lucifer asked curiously.

"I _mean_ I'm human. And if humans are so vile and murderous, why did you save me?" Sam demanded.

"You're different." Lucifer answered simply.

"How?"

"You're not just any human. You're my vessel. M.F.E.O. like I told you. Right from the beginning, I knew you had to be special or you couldn't carry me. And the more I learned about you, the more I realized how true that was. You…grew on me, Sam. After you freed me I did all the research I could on you. When we finally became one I got to know you even better. You may not realize this, Sam, but you're fascinating. All you're been through, all you've overcome…it's truly amazing. The fact you create your own destiny is even more incredible." Lucifer adjusted his place on the ground, leaning back on his hands and staring into the distance, with a thoughtful expression, "I remember this one instance during my first imprisonment: Azazel had committed a dark ritual in order to contact me. It was the first and only time anyone communicated with me while I was imprisoned. He told me you had been born, and left me with an image: a flash of a newborn baby, a tiny, helpless new human; my True Vessel. And for an instant, just an instant, I didn't want to jump inside you and make you my Vessel. I wanted to shield you instead –I wanted to _protect_ you from your destiny. It was only a moment, and I disregarded the thought as soon as it arrived. But I had never felt that way before, and I haven't experienced anything like it since. It was truly strange." Lucifer sighed, and his blues eyes studied Sam's face for a long moment, "When I'm with you, I experience things I've never felt before."


	11. Chapter 11

"If you want me to trust you, then why do you still look like Nick?" Sam asked Lucifer one day -or was it night? The black abyss above never seemed to change.

"I don't have much control over that, Sam." Lucifer replied.

Sam was confused, "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean this isn't what I look like; it's how you perceive me. You think of me as Nick, so I look like Nick." Lucifer explained.

"God." Sam rubbed his face, "All in my head again, huh? I really _am_ crazy…"

"No, Sam, what you're seeing is real. It's just being translated into something you can understand. You've never seen an angel's true form before, so…" Lucifer shrugged, "Here I am."

"Why did you show up looking like Jessica?" Sam asked, "In my dreams. I know you decided that part. Why her?" Although, Sam felt like he already knew the reason. Lucifer had been manipulating him, getting Sam to make conversation with someone he missed desperately…

"Because I'm an angel." Lucifer replied, "I'm an angel, and I need consent for everything, even entering people's dreams. I needed to look like someone you would expect to be there, so you would let me in."

"Kinda pissed me off." Sam remarked.

"I know."

"You were manipulating me."

"Was I? I changed back, didn't I?"

"Not before I…" Sam stopped himself. He was about to say 'kissed you'. But that kiss was sacred, intended only for Jessica, and it he didn't like to think it had ended up on Lucifer…

"Alright. Showing up looking like your dead girlfriend wasn't the most honest thing I've ever done." Lucifer conceded.

"You're right. It wasn't." Sam replied with a scowl.

"Would it help if I promised not to do that again?"

Sam sighed, "It doesn't change what you did. But yeah, that would help a little."

"You really loved her, didn't you?" Lucifer said softly, "I could tell. I could feel it in the room…"

 _Violation. You're not helping your case,_ Sam thought, a muscle working in his jaw.

"I would have brought her back, you know." Lucifer added, "When I promised to bring your folks back, I would have brought Jessica back to."

"Yeah. To tell her how I fucked up the world." Sam muttered bitterly.

Lucifer shook his head, "To make you _happy_ , Sam."

Sam sighed, "Maybe it's for the best. I'd hate to tell her it's my fault she died. Or that I was housing the devil."

"You think she wouldn't accept you anymore if she knew?" Lucifer asked.

"I don't know." Sam answered honestly, "I don't really feel like talking about it."

"Ok."

Sam cleared his throat, "So, back to your true form. What _does_ it look like?" he asked.

Lucifer's mouth opened for a moment, then shut again, "That's not really something I can explain." He answered.

"Try?" Sam prompted.

Lucifer grimaced, "I can't."

"Can I—will I ever see it?" Sam asked, suddenly intrigued by the possibly of seeing a real, celestial version of an angel.

"That's up to you." Lucifer replied. Then he added quietly, "I'd prefer you didn't."

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"I'm not what I used to be."

"What do you mean?"

"Hell changes you. It corrupts you. It twists everything you used to be and turns you into someone else." Lucifer picked at a hole in his jeans ( _such a human gesture,_ Sam thought) and sighed heavily, "I wasn't always cold, you know."

"You don't seem cold now." Sam pointed out.

"That's because you don't think I am. I suppose that's because you've forgotten what I'm actually like." Lucifer suggested.

"You're right..." Sam trailed off as he recalled Lucifer blowing frost onto a window and drawing a pitchfork on it.

" _Sorry if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot, but it's really quite the opposite."_

"So, did Hell make you cold?" Sam asked.

"No. I made myself cold when I walked away from God's light." Lucifer explained, simply.

"Do you regret anything?" Sam asked, "I mean, about your Fall?"

"Do I regret being separated from my brothers and sisters? Yes." Lucifer began, "Do I regret being Caged? Yes. Do I regret having to fight my family? Yes. Do I miss God's light…?" Lucifer swallowed, "Yes. But do I regret the choices I've made? What I did to prove my point? No. I don't."

"You're true form," Sam said, "You said it's cold. What else?"

Lucifer winced, "Hard to explain, kiddo."

"Start simple then. Like…" Sam waved his hand around, "How _tall_ are you?"

Lucifer laughed, "Size is a matter of perception, Sam. We angels live in another dimension. Size is all relative. It's very difficult to explain."

Sam frowned in concentration, studying Lucifer, "So, what's I'm seeing right now is an illusion?" he asked.

"That's right." Lucifer answered.

Sam reached up to touch Lucifer's face. When the angel showed no signs of objection, he let his hand rest against the angel's cheek. Lucifer blinked slowly, eyes closing for just a moment as Sam's fingertips slid downward, touching the angel's cheek and brushing the corner of his mouth. It was soft, save for the blonde stubble, and Sam didn't sense anything out of the ordinary about it, even when his fingertips trailed down Lucifer's jaw, his throat, the collar of his shirt. Sam lifted the side of Lucifer's button-up over shirt curiously before letting his hand slide to rest on Lucifer's shoulder.

"It all feels so real." Sam muttered.

"That's because your mind's still got the safety on." Lucifer tapped his temple for emphasis.

"How do I turn it off?" Sam asked.

Lucifer shrugged, "Beats me. You're the one in control here."

Sam tried to imagine Lucifer feeling cold. He tried to imagine Lucifer having wings, glowing, maybe. But the angel still looked like Nick.

"Not working." Sam said.

"You're in charge here, Sam." Lucifer reminded him.

Sam swallowed and tried again, "This isn't real. It's an illusion." Sam muttered to himself, "All an illusion…"

Pinpricks of cold began to surround him, like he was being stabbed with tiny particles of ice.

Lucifer tilted his head curiously, the gesture reminding Sam of Castiel.

 _Not real. This is an illusion,_ Sam thought, _Nick is an illusion. Lucifer doesn't really look like Nick._

"Sam –" Lucifer sounded a little panicked, "Sam, I don't think this is a good idea –"

The air was growing colder by the minute.

 _This isn't real…_ Sam thought.

"Sam! Sam stop! This might not be safe!" Lucifer exclaimed.

Nick's image was becoming blurry, smeared, like a reflection in water.

"Sam!" Lucifer's voice cracked, becoming distorted, "Sam, please, stop!"

Noticing the change in temperature Sam became panicked too, "I don't know how!" he exclaimed, his breath coming out in a cold fog.

The temperature was dropping— out of control. Now that Sam knew what he was seeing wasn't real he couldn't pull the veil over his eyes again. The air grew frigid. And Lucifer disappeared altogether. Sam was being assaulted with the cold. Darkness spread over him. He felt his entire being freeze over, squeezed between the ice. He was paralyzed.

Ice and darkness.

Darkness and Ice.

Ice and darkness and pain.

Loneliness too.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam awoke to the crackling of a campfire.

Lucifer breathed a sigh of relief, " _Sam._ "

Sam blinked a few times to clear his vision, "What…what happened?" he asked groggily, pushing himself up.

He was lying in a fleece-lined sleeping bag and several flannel blankets had been wrapped around him. Two warm pillows had been laid behind his head and plush blankets were tucked over him. A campfire crackled next to him, and Lucifer was sitting across from it.

"I overwhelmed you. I'm sorry." Lucifer whispered.

Sam observed the blankets wrapped around him in confusion, "Where did all these come from?"

"I made them for you. Rather, I pulled them out of your memories so you could use them." Lucifer sighed, "Please don't do that again."

"Do _what_?" Sam demanded.

"Let me overpower you. You're too strong for that." Lucifer answered.

"I _let_ you overpower me?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you about the illusion. I should have known you were protecting yourself from me."

"Protecting myself from –what the heck happened? And where _are we_?"

"You became aware of everything –the filter came off and I flattened you with my grace. I'm so sorry, Sam, you weren't prepared. I didn't mean for that to happen— I should have known you saw me as Nick for a reason. I should have known you were protecting yourself." Lucifer sighed heavily and put his head in his hands.

"That doesn't explain where we are." Sam pointed out.

"We're still in the Cage, Sam. I just created these illusions to…help your mind put the filter back on." Lucifer explained weakly.

"Filter, huh?" Sam eyed the blankets and the fire beside him, "This campfire –you pulled all of this out of my mind, didn't you?"

"Yes." Lucifer answered.

"Do me a favor, Lucifer." Sam said and the angel gave Sam his full attention as he growled, "Stay. Out of. My. _Head_."

"But Sam, you _like_ campfires!" Lucifer protested.

"But I _don't_ like people rummaging through my memories!" Sam exclaimed, "I swear, you angels have no grasp on _privacy_!"

"I only created what I thought might comfort you –what might help your soul establish a sense of normalcy!" Lucifer protested.

"Well, I don't feel 'comforted' I feel _violated_!" Sam exclaimed.

"You gave me that consent when you agreed to be my Vessel! You allowed me access to all of your memories, so why are you _offended_ when I use that knowledge?" Lucifer demanded.

Sam groaned, "Because maybe I didn't _want_ you to have that knowledge. _God_." Sam massaged his temples, "I agreed to let you use my _body_ , nothing _else_."

"Seems you don't understand what it means to a Vessel." Lucifer remarked.

Sam glared, "Maybe so. But I still don't like you going through my memories."

"I'm trying to help you, Sam!" Lucifer protested.

"Maybe I don't _want_ your help." Sam growled.

"Fine. I can take these things away if you like." Lucifer offered.

Sam drew in a breath to tell Lucifer 'yeah, that would be great," but stopped when he noticed the flannel sheets inside his sleeping bag, "These sheets…" he murmured, rubbing the fabric between his fingers, "They're…from the first house me and Dean lived in –the first one I remember, anyway, after Mom died."

"Yes." Lucifer answered.

"This blanket got lost between moves." Sam remarked, looking at a fuzzy comforter, "And this –Dean shoplifted this one when we were staying in a motel where the thermostats didn't work. I think Ellen gave us _this_ quilt and –" Sam's voice caught.

"What's wrong, Sam?" Lucifer asked.

"This pillow –Dean gave me _his_ pillow when I was sick. It was after a move –a sudden move where a lot of our stuff got left behind –not the hunting stuff, just the regular things like clothes and pillows and—" Sam sobbed as the memory stabbed his heart, "I got sick and Dean gave me his pillow. He was always taking care of me, even when Dad wasn't. I remember this one time when Dad left for a hunt –one that was too dangerous for Dean and me –and he was gone for a _while._ Dean and I got along alright without him –until one day I opened the fridge and it was empty. There was one pack of ramen left on the stove and I asked Dean what he was eating for lunch and he told me he'd already packed his thermos and I'd better hurry up if I wanted to pack mine in time for school. So, I made a thermos and I ate the ramen for lunch. No biggy, right? That is, until that evening when I opened Dean's thermos and it was squeaky clean. " Sam scoffed and shook his head, "He went without a lunch that day, and he did it so that _I_ would have one." Sam swallowed thickly, "I was so… _angry_ when Dad came home that night – _that_ night, and carrying takeout too— carrying takeout so I couldn't be mad at him for leaving us with nothing to eat. I wanted to yell at him. Wanted to ask what kind of father lets his kids go hungry?! I wanted to…throw things and tell him we could've starved without him."

"Did you?" Lucifer asked.

Sam gulped and shook his head, "Not exactly. I made some passive-aggressive remark on how I was glad we hadn't starved without him. Dean tried to water it down but Dad figured it out."

"What did your father do?" Lucifer asked.

"He told us we should've used the cards. But back then, we didn't know _how_ to use the cards to steal money or set up fake . That was stuff Dad took care of. He yelled at us for a bit too. Told us about how we should pay attention to _everything_ he does and if we couldn't figure that out then for Christ's sake just _steal some food_ and don't go hungry out of some sense of moral obligation." Sam shook his head, "Thinking back on it now, I don't think Dad ever stopped feeling guilty for it, because from then on he always made sure we knew how to get food when he wasn't there." Sam gulped.

"Sam—" Lucifer began.

Sam sobbed. He clenched his teeth and buried his face in his hands.

"Dad and I didn't always get along, but Dean took care of me." Sam sobbed, "Dean was always _there._ And I –" Sam shook his head as tears blurred his vision and pain exploded in his chest, "And I _miss_ him!"

"Of course you do." Lucifer breathed, laying a tentative hand on Sam's shoulder, "He loved you."

"I'm never gonna see him again," Sam said, shaking, "Or Bobby, or Dad, or Castiel or –or anybody!" Sam buried his face in his arms and sobbed, "What if I forget them? What if I forget Dean?"

"Then I'll remind you." Lucifer replied.

"You would do that for me?" Sam asked, looking up from tear-soaked arms.

"Of course." Lucifer replied, "I won't let you forget all those you sacrificed yourself to protect. You saved the world, Sam."

Sam sniffed and rubbed his eyes, "Thank you."

"Of course." Lucifer replied.

Sam took a deep breath and looked down at the sheets again.

"Do you still want me to take these away?" Lucifer asked and Sam shook his head.

"No. No, leave them, I –" Sam gulped as clutched the blankets in his hands, "Leave them."

"Ok."

They sat in silence for a while. Tears were still streaming down Sam's face.

"Thank you, Lucifer," Sam whispered, "For…doing all this."

"I couldn't let your soul stay frozen forever, Sam." Lucifer gave Sam a wry smile, "Otherwise I'd have no one to talk to."

"What else can you make?" Sam asked, curiously.

"I can create some food if you like. Bear in mind these are all illusions, but you can still experience it if you remember how." Lucifer told him.

"Why didn't you do something like this earlier?" Sam asked.

"It never occurred to me to try. Besides, I've never had this kind of power in the Cage –at least, not until you came along." Lucifer explained.

"Why do you think that is?" Sam asked.

"I couldn't create images or illusions during my first imprisonment because that was part of my hell –being powerless. But now things have changed. It seems I maintain some of my abilities when I'm with you." Lucifer took a deep breath, "Are you hungry, Sam?"

"Not really." Sam replied.

"Eat anyway." Lucifer said.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Please, Sam, I…I watched you starve too many times." Lucifer whispered.

Sam froze. Lucifer was referring to the torture he had experienced by the hand of that other being –the one that disguised itself as Lucifer in order to torment both of them—or so Lucifer claimed. Sam took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had to decide if he was gonna trust Lucifer. And he had to calm the rising terror he faced whenever he let his mind wondered if this was a trap and Lucifer would turn on him at any moment and revert back into that monster.

It was time for a leap of faith.

"Lucifer…" Sam began, "I don't blame you for what happened."

"Don't you?" Lucifer scoffed, "You flinch from my every touch. You watch me like at any moment you believe I'm going to attack you. You don't trust me."

"Can you blame me?" Sam asked.

Lucifer shook his head, "No. But I always _did_ want the impossible."

The angel looked so alone and heartbroken that something clenched inside of Sam's chest. Before he knew what he was doing he had crossed the space between them and pulled Lucifer into a hug.

He heard Lucifer gasp. Then, tentatively, return the embrace.

Sam held him for a moment.

"Not all angels know how to hug." Sam finally whispered in Lucifer's ear.

"I didn't understand either until you became my Vessel and showed me." Lucifer replied, "I learned a lot of things from you." Gentle hands carded through Sam's hair and Sam decided he was ok with that.

"You know, sometimes I think you're the most human of all the angels." Sam commented.

Lucifer pulled away enough to give Sam an incredulous look.

Sam laughed, "Well, you are. You question everything around you, even God, and believe me, that is _very_ human. And you're _so_ emotional. You get jealous, angry, lonely, sad, confused, indignant…I don't think there's a human alive that hasn't felt that. The other angels are so…stoic in comparison. It's like they're so distant that they don't understand what's going on, you know? It's easy to judge from the armchair, but up close is an entirely different story, and I think you know that."

Lucifer gaped at Sam and the human laughed again, "Don't worry—I can't believe I'm saying this, either."

Lucifer scowled, "You certainly have an interesting perspective. I'll give you that much, kiddo."

"Ever think if you got to know the perspective of other humans you might not hate them so much?" Sam asked and Lucifer gave him a skeptical look.

"I mean, that's why you don't hate me, isn't it? Because you got to know me, saw my end of the spectrum?" Sam asked. Then he took a deep breath, "And I think that's why I don't hate you. I might not agree with everything you've done, but I see where you're coming from and…I get it."

Lucifer's mouth came open and his eyes widened. He was gazing up at Sam like he was the most amazing thing in all creation. With a gasp the angel fell limp in Sam's embrace, "No one has ever, _ever_ said that to me..." he whispered.

Sam held him gently, "Well, like I said. Angels are dicks." he whispered into Lucifer's jacket and the angel laughed.

"But I do get you," Sam continued, "And you know what? I think I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. For the rest of eternity."

Lucifer met Sam's eyes and smiled, "I'm looking forward to eternity with you as well." He said.

And for a moment, just a moment, Sam thought that being stuck in Hell might not be so bad after all.

Then, an all-too familiar voice shouted, "LUUUUUUCCCCCY I'M HOOOOOME!"


	13. Chapter 13

"LUUUUCCCY I'M HOOOOOMEEEE!" shouted an all-too familiar voice.

Sam could see Nick immerging from the shadows—no, not Nick –that—that _thing._

It still looked like Nick. Same button-up ¾ length sleeved shirt over a muddy colored T. Same faded dad jeans. Same blonde hair, scruffy beard, and same menacing smile…

"Aw, well don't look so _shocked._ " The thing said, his lips pouting into a baby face. Then he broke out into a grin, causing creases to appear on the sides of his face as he chuckled, "I mean, this wouldn't be _your_ Hell if I didn't come back, now would it?"

Lucifer wrapped his arms around Sam and they were gone. When Sam was able to re-orient himself he realized Lucifer had pulled them inside a dark cavern. Bluffs and caves had appeared just like last time, giving them a place to hide, at least, until that creature found them…

"Gonna play hide-and-seek Sammy-boy?" the thing asked from outside and damn, his voice grated like nails on a chalkboard. Really, frightening nails that brought back memories of nothing but pure agony…

"I won't let him get you." Lucifer whispered, but one glance at the archangels face and Sam knew Lucifer was just as terrified as he, "I _won't."_

" _Saaaaammmy?"_ It called, "Come out come out wherever you are…"

Lucifer's arms tightened around Sam and Sam buried his face in Lucifer's shoulder.

Sam was shaking like a leaf. He could feel his body…well, his soul….folding in on itself at the sound of the creature's voice. That grating, terrifying voice. It was coming for him. He knew it was. It was coming for him and there was no escape…

"I won't let him get you." Lucifer breathed in Sam's ear.

Sam clutched Lucifer in terror.

Then Lucifer released Sam's shirt to reach up and run a hand down the side of Sam's frightened face. His eyes were blue and gentle and his hand carefully tilted Sam's face upward. Then his lips were very softly pressing into Sam's. Sam shut his eyes, feeling the warmth of the tender kiss. It lasted only for a moment, and when he opened his eyes again Lucifer looked different. The angel's hair appeared darker, and his eyes looked more green than blue. He was taller now too, and his face was longer.

Sam's lips parted to ask what was going on. Lucifer rose to his feet.

"What are you—?" Sam began.

"Stay." Lucifer commanded.

And as the angel turned to leave it finally dawned on Sam what Lucifer had _done_ , what he was about to do…

"No!" Sam exclaimed, scurrying to his feet, "No, you can't!"

Lucifer raised his hand, angelic grace throwing Sam back against the wall of the cave. It was the roughest Lucifer had ever been with him. Sam slid to the ground with a grunt.

Lucifer ducked out of the cave, and when he glanced over his shoulder a final time the look he gave Sam was pleading. _Let me do this. For you._

Sam shook his head, a sob in his throat.

And Lucifer was gone.

There was crack in one of the cave walls. Sam peered out, knowing full well what he would see but still unable to believe it.

Nick was outside. No, not Nick. That _thing_. The thing that had disguised itself as Lucifer and tortured Sam for years. Sam trembled at the sight of him.

"Oooooooh Sammmmy." The creature called, "I'm going to count to ten. Then ready or not, here I _come_!"

Lucifer was creeping around the rocks. He had taken on Sam's entire appearance by now.

Sam watched in horror.

"Here I go, Sammy," the creature called, then made a show of lifting his face and closing his eyes.

"Ten."

Lucifer was yanked by an invisible force and thrown on the ground by the creature's feet. Sam had to stifle a yelp.

"You'll forgive my impatience, won't you?" the false Lucifer asked in mock earnest as he leered over Lucifer, "It's just been soooo long since we've seen each other…"

"Fuck you." Lucifer whispered.

The creature smirked, "Do you remember where we left off, Sammy?" he asked, raising Lucifer up by the throat.

Sam shuddered at the memory.

"It's been a looooong time." The creature went on, "I've missed you soooooo much. But we're gonna have a _lot_ of fun, together Sammy-boy. A _lot_ of fun."

Lucifer struggled against the creature's hold.

"I've come up with some more games for us to play, Sammy. I think you'll really enjoy them." The creature raised Lucifer up and threw him against the bluffs.

Lucifer slid the ground.

"Fight back." Sam whispered from his hiding place, "Fight back, Lucifer, fight back…"

But of course Lucifer would not fight back. He had taken on Sam's appearance. He had disguised himself as the human, and if he wanted to keep up that façade, he would not fight. Because Sam could not.

Sam flinched at every blow. He stifled a sob at every scream. His own ribs aced in memory as Lucifer's were broken as relentlessly as Sam's had been.

Sam bit his knuckled, sobbing. This wasn't fair. This wasn't right…

He couldn't believe what Lucifer was doing for him.

"Oh God…" Sam prayed, "Oh God, _please…"_

The Cage went silent.

Darkness had fallen. Gone were the bloodstained bluffs, the orange light, the laughing entity, leaving nothing but a cold, dark silence.

Lucifer snapped out of his façade immediately, injuries healing and face morphing back into one that resembled Nick. He was instantly by Sam's side, arms closing protectively around the human. His expression was of pure astonishment.

"Death." Lucifer stated. The awe was clear in the archangel's voice.

"Hello, Lucifer." Death replied. The suit clad figure nodded to Sam, "And Samuel."

"Wh…what are you doing here?" Sam asked.

"I have come to retrieve you, Sam." Death replied, "Dean and I made a deal to get your soul out of the Cage."

Lucifer inhaled sharply, then removed his arms from around Sam, pushing the human sharply forward, "Oh _take him. Take him!_ Go! Leave!"

"Lucifer…" Sam began.

"I don't care where. Just get him out of here." Lucifer pleaded.

"Where are you taking me?" Sam asked.

"You are being returned to your body." Death replied, "Come Sam, Dean is waiting for you."

"Dean?" Sam gave a breathy laugh, "I'm going to see him again." He glanced over his shoulder to smile at Lucifer.

Lucifer wasn't smiling.

He looked mortified.

"You're putting him back in his body?" Lucifer breathed.

"That was our bargain." Death replied.

"And you call that a _rescue_?" Lucifer snarled.

Sam glanced between Death and Lucifer in confusion, "What's wrong with putting me back in my body?"

"His _mind!_ " Lucifer growled, "Things _happened_ down here! He'll be _dead_ before he can sort through the trauma!"

"I am putting a wall in Sam's mind." Death replied calmly, "It should protect him…as long as he doesn't scratch at it…"

Relief crossed Lucifer's features and Sam's brow furrowed.

"So wait, there's gonna be some sort of barrier between my mind and what happened down here?" Sam asked.

"That is correct." Death replied, "Although, it isn't going to last forever…"

"So you're saying I won't remember anything that happened down here?" Sam asked slowly, "Absolutely nothing?"

"That's right." Death answered.

"But—but what about—?" Sam turned to face Lucifer who gave him a sad smile.

"It's for the best, kiddo." Lucifer replied.

"No." Sam said, shaking his head, "No, this isn't fair."

"Life's not fair, kiddo," Lucifer replied, "But maybe the odds will be in your favor this time around."

"No." Sam said, shaking his head. He turned to Death, "How many people did you agree to rescue from the Cage?"

"Only one." Death replied, "And that one was you. No extras, Sam. I'm sorry."

"And Adam's stuck down here too..." Sam muttered.

"That is correct." Death replied, "Now, without further delay, we should be going."

"Wait." Sam faced Lucifer, squaring his shoulders, determination in his eyes, "I'll come back for you. I'll find a way. I won't leave you down here forever."

Lucifer smiled sadly at Sam, "You won't remember me kiddo."

"I'll find a way!" Sam insisted.

"It's time to leave, Sam." Death reminded him.

"Just hold on." Sam insisted, "I'll come back for you. I promise."

"Sam…" Lucifer whispered, " _Go._ "

Sam placed his hand alongside Lucifer's jaw and leaned in. Their foreheads touched. Their lips were a mere centimeter from meeting…

And Sam was gone.

Lucifer felt the loss like a decapitated limb. The Cage had returned to its brimstone and bluffs. PsydoLucifer was sitting on the ground, arm draped over one knee and drawing pictures in the dirt with his free hand.

"He's gone now." Lucifer stated, "You can't hurt him. He's gone now."

"Yeah, I know." Psydolucifer replied.

Lucifer sighed, "I suppose you're going to go back to torturing me again."

"I was always torturing you, but no." Psydolucifer replied.

Lucifer frowned in confusion, "Why not?"

Psydolucifer sighed heavily, "The most interesting person in here is gone. Why should I care about you? I mean, I _could_ go back to tormenting you _._ But I don't want to. You see, we've been here for a long time and I know everything about you. And well, you're boring. Sammy though? He's fascinating. _Humanity_ is fascinating. I've seen humans before, in your mind, but you angels have such _skewed_ views of them. Getting to meet one in person was a _completely_ different experience."

"You'll never see him again." Lucifer stated, a slight surge of triumph in his voice.

Psydolucifer shrugged, "Probably not…probably not."


	14. Chapter 14

It took Lucifer a long time to acknowledge he was grieving for Sam.

Doing so was gruesomely selfish, he knew. Sam was safe. Sam was topside and free. At least he wasn't _here._ That was all that mattered _._ No, Lucifer _did not_ miss him. To do so would be to wish unspeakable agony on the helpless human, and Lucifer _did not_ wish that on his Sam. He never had. Yet this place had inflicted that punishment intended for Lucifer alone on the defenseless human anyway. No, Lucifer _did not miss_ him.

He took comfort in the fact that Sam would not remember this. Sam would not remember the years of insufferable torture at the hands of one whom he thought was the Devil, acting just as the Devil was perceived to act. No, Sam would not remember this, and Lucifer was _grateful._

He was also grateful for the time he had spent with Sam. He liked to think they had bonded, just a little. It was alright that Sam would not remember this, because Sam had given Lucifer an inimitable gift before they parted. Three simple words, and Sam probably wasn't even aware of their value to Lucifer.

" _I get it."_

In all his eons of existence, Lucifer hadn't realized how badly he needed to be _understood._ He had been so adamant in proving his case, only to viewed as a freak, a monster, a lunatic. No one had taken his side, or even bothered to hear him out. To finally have someone understand, to validate his view, had been elating. He could hold onto that –the fact that someone, somewhere, had understood him, even if that someone would not remember doing so.

Yet, Lucifer could not deny the gaping hole inside of him –remanence of an absence he would not allow himself to acknowledge he was feeling. Sam was safe, Sam was free, Sam was _gone._

 _Gone forever…_

Lucifer wasn't aware of the time passing –truly, it was unpredictable in this place anyway. He sat, arms draped over his knees, not really thinking about anything. Unable to make himself care anymore.

Adam and Michael returned at some point. Adam wanted to know where Sam had gone. Lucifer explained how Death had taken Sam back to the surface because Dean had made a deal. Adam stood gaping, then shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground.

Lucifer gazed up long enough to phrase the question, "Are you upset that Dean picked Sam over you?"

"A little," Adam admitted, "I mean, I'm not surprised, I guess. I was always an afterthought, anyway."

Michael made a comment about the heavenly hosts releasing him someday. Lucifer was only dimly aware of how the suggestion lacked the usual self-righteous vibrato Michael usually spoke with –the statement merely proposing it would be the logical course of action for those loyal enough to still want the apocalypse –particularly Raphael. He also added the Winchester brothers would likely stop it, but _promised_ to bring Adam with him if he ever _was_ released…

Lucifer stopped paying attention after that. Their words meant little to him.

Time passed…

It had to, although there was no way to measure it.

Adam and Michael wandered to the other end of the Cage. For the most part, they left Lucifer alone.

PsydoLucifer was seen less frequently. Lucifer would occasionally glimpse him walking the abyss, sometimes muttering to himself. The creature didn't seem to pay him much mind.

Lucifer wouldn't care if he did.

He was alone now.

The ground trembled. A deep rumble, almost like an earthquake. The Cage shook, momentarily pulling Lucifer into alertness –his prison had never acted this way before. Had the angels truly returned for Michael? It stopped as soon as it started but both Lucifer and Michael took off to the top, searching for anything, any sign— surely an outside force was at work here!

When they finally gave up –the Cage remaining as endless as it had ever been –Lucifer was crushed. He had allowed himself to hope, and that was dangerous. It didn't matter what had caused the disturbance. He was still stuck down here. As he had been. As he always would be.

He ignored Michael and returned to his seating.

Sometime later he heard PsydoLucifer talking, but when he glanced over his shoulder the creature was alone, speaking to the darkness overhead. Perhaps, after all this time even _it_ had gone mad.

Or maybe it was going to torture him again.

Did it matter?

Lucifer didn't care, and after a while, he stopped seeing PsydoLucifer altogether.

 **Thanks to all my lovely readers for the follows and the feedback! I'm going to end here for now. Sorry to all my dears that read and gave me wonderful feedback on the future chapters -I do appreciate you all! I think I'm going to wrap things up right now, at least until further notice. This is the prompt I used came from another website, archiveofourown** **/works/8921509?view_adult=true**

 **Special thanks to Fangirl666, I'm glad you enjoyed it, love.**


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